京都のローカルな土地でレジデンシープログラムに参加した。地域のトピックをリサーチするわけでもなく、地域の方とおしゃべりをし、滞在場所の目の前にある川を眺め、ただただ時間を過ごすこの感じは、疎開をしているようでもあり、終りのみえない休暇のように私は感じていた。

滞在場所の目の前にある橋は、夜になると青い光が点灯し、私はそれを毎日見ていた。青い光をずっと見ていると、パソコン等で重大なエラーが発生すると現れる通称「青い死の画面」を想起する。青い画面は時間が静止しているようにも、途方もなく続いていくようにも感じる。ふと、「死は青い光を放つ」という研究の記事を思いだす。

橋の青い光は２４時過ぎても消えないが、気がつくとすぐに消えているので毎日観測すると、２４時６分頃完全に消灯するみたいで、消えるのを名残惜しんでいるかのようだった。ただ、私は青い光が消えると「ようやく今日が終わった」と安堵する。

そういえば、私が引きこもっていた時期、夜になると家の近くの川をただただ歩いては眺め、１日の終わりが迎えられずに途方に暮れた”長い休暇” を少し思い出した。


 

I participated in a residency program in a local area in Kyoto. Without conducting research on specific local topics, I chatted with local residents, gazed at the river in front of my place of stay, and simply spent my days. It felt as if I were evacuated, like an endless vacation with no end in sight.
 

At night, the bridge in front of my place of stay would illuminate with blue lights, and I would see it every day. Staring at the blue lights for a long time would remind me of the "Blue Screen of Death," which appears when a significant error occurs on computers, among other devices. The blue screen gives a sense of time standing still and also feels endless. Suddenly, I remembered an article about a study that said, "Death emits blue light."
 

The blue lights on the bridge wouldn't go out even after midnight, but when I noticed, they would immediately disappear. Observing it every day, it seemed like they would completely turn off around 12:06 a.m., and I felt a sense of reluctance as they disappeared. However, when the blue lights went out, I would feel relieved, thinking, "Finally, today is over."
 

Come to think of it, I recalled a period during my adolescence when I shut myself in, and I would just walk near the river near my house at night, gazing at it, feeling lost without the day coming to an end. It reminded me of a "long vacation."