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精神科医の友人からある統合失調症の方の死についての話を聞いていた。話を掘り下げていくと、統合失調症の可能性がある自身の姉も数年前に川で亡くなっていたという話が出た。 医者として統合失調症を考えること、家族として想うこと、そうした二つの顔が交互に垣間見えた。私は彼に、姉についての手紙とカルテを書いてもらうことにした。

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​この作品は、彼の姉が亡くなる前に語った”心臓が動いている”という言葉を起点に、二人で対話を重ねながら制作を行なった。精神疾患、そして家族の死という語りは、多くの場合に悲劇の側面が強調されるように思う。しかし、彼の態度は、答えが出ない問いに対して考え続ける淡々とした姿を映す。

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彼は手紙の中でこう語っていた。 ”悲しい事があったら悲しまないといけないとか、嬉しい事があったら喜ばなければいけないとか、そういうことをしなくてもいいってようやく分かりました”

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A psychiatrist friend of mine was telling me about the death of a schizophrenic. As we delved deeper into the story, he told us that his own sister, who may have had schizophrenia, had also died in a river several years ago. I could catch glimpses of his thinking about schizophrenia as a doctor and his thoughts as a family member, alternating between the two. I asked him to write a letter and chart about his sister.

 

This work was created through a series of dialogues between the two of us, starting with his sister's words, "My heart is beating," which she said just before she passed away.

Narratives of mental illness and death in the family generally tend to emphasize only the tragic aspect. However, his attitude reflects the way he continues to live his life in an indifferent manner, overlapping with the phrase "my heart is beating," while continuing to worry and think desperately about what he does not understand, in his own way. Through the illness of mental illness, this film reveals the subtlety, complexity, and universality of the human psyche.

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In his letter, he said, "I finally realized that I don't have to make a sad, crying face when I am sad, or a happy face when I am happy."

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